


Mother, May I?

by cherie_morte



Series: Anita!Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Clothed Sex, F/M, Genderfluid Character, Genderplay, Sex Toys, impreg kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 14:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12632646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherie_morte/pseuds/cherie_morte
Summary: Jensen's been wanting to ditch the condoms for a few months now, but every time he tries to broach the subject, she shrugs it off. He's not sure why. It doesn't seem worth it to push.





	Mother, May I?

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a birthday present to myself, so of course it's a month late. Also a birthday present for [BockVer](https://twitter.com/BockVer)…so I made her beta it (and also it's almost a month late). I'm not sure why I'm like this, but yay more Anita fic! Be kind to it. Jared didn't really start making the "losechester" joke until after the show ended in this verse, but I decided he did because this verse exists in a better world where Joe Biden is President, anyway. Also on Livejournal [here](https://infatuated-ink.livejournal.com/105103.html).

He loses her in a Target.

It's a joke Jensen has been making for nearly a decade and a half now, but there's truth in humor. You turn your back on Jared for five seconds, you'd better not expect him to still be there when you return. The pronouns have changed for today, but the problem persists.

Okay, so this one may be on Jensen a little bit. She promised it would be a quick in and out, an emergency run because she forgot to pack some hair product, and Jensen is a sucker, so he pulled into the parking lot instead of insisting they finish the long drive to their hotel.

That's how he found himself bored out of his skull at 9:47 p.m., following Jay up and down the aisles of a superstore's beauty section, because he knows it's on him to keep an eye on her if he ever wants to get out of here.

She's the kind of girl who's had world class designers tailor dresses specifically for her, and yet somehow getting lost in the discount clothes rack at a Target still excites her. He finds that charming about her, usually—when he hasn't been on planes all day.

So maybe he's the one that wanders off this time. There's a sale on sports gear a few aisles away, and it's not like Jensen is going to buy a bag of subpar golf clubs just to have to deal with flying them all the way back to L.A., but it's a hell of a lot more interesting than debating the different virtues of eighteen brands of hairspray, so he sneaks off for a few minutes.

Three, to be exact. He gives himself a mere three minutes to browse before he returns to where he left Jay, and of course by then she's vanished into thin air. Jensen checks the next few aisles over, too, and there's no sign of her anywhere.

In his defense, Jensen is really exhausted. And he's lived with show people his whole life. So when he's feeling irritated or tired or drunk—well, he gets a little bit dramatic. The dread that settles on him at the thought of having to track Jay down in this giant store is, he knows, rationally, completely out of proportion to the situation. But his logical brain is not at the wheel right now.

He resigns himself to spending a lifetime wandering the hell that is this Target in search of his girlfriend and sets his course for the women's clothes section, hoping that she's at least acting predictably. With Jay you never know. She's as likely to be loading their cart with tubs of cookie dough as she is to be two chapters into a book she randomly picked off a shelf.

He's emerging from the last rack of skirts, frustration building because she's still nowhere to be found, when he spots her just a few feet ahead, standing near the registers and talking to a woman with a little girl in her arms. The girl's head is resting on her mother's shoulder tiredly, and Jay is smiling as she says something, then turns away.

She sees Jensen watching and her smile grows as she bounds over, empty handed. Jensen sighs and shakes his head, but he can't help that his lips turn up just the tiniest bit when she takes his hand.

"You still haven't found what you were looking for, huh?" he asks.

Jay takes in his tone, then huffs out an amused breath. "I forgot," she says. "Got distracted."

"What a surprise," Jensen mutters as she starts to lead him back to the aisle they'd been in when he lost track of her.

"Want to hear something that _is_ a surprise?" She looks over at him, only waits a beat before assuming that his answer was going to be 'yes.' "That little girl thought I was her mother."

"Must have a pretty hot mom," says Jensen.

Jay elbows him in the side as they walk, then says, "I was just minding my own business, trying to hurry so my big grump wouldn't have to wait too long," she gives Jensen a meaningful glance and smirks before continuing, "Suddenly there's this tiny person hugging my leg, asking mommy if she can have a water gun like the boy next door has."

"Please tell me you didn't—"

"Naturally I bought her the water gun and then I helped her find her mother."

Jensen brings the hand that isn't wrapped around Jay's up to rub his temple. "Jay, you can't just—"

"I helped reunite a mother with her lost baby, Jensen," she says, sounding very earnest to the untrained ear, but Jensen's got lots of practice. "I am a good Samaritan."

"You armed the kid first," he points out. She cackles gleefully, so he tries a different approach. "Hey, what did it feel like, not being the lost child for once?"

"Oh, haha, very funny," she says, choosing a bottle and showing it to Jensen, like he's going to have any helpful input.

"Yeah, looks great. Can we go now?" he asks.

Jay rolls her eyes at his impatience, which he probably deserves, and then leads them down yet another aisle. This time, she grabs a box of condoms off the shelf, and when she shows it to Jensen, she adds an eyebrow waggle for effect. "Didn't pack any of these, either. Now aren't you glad we made a pit stop?"

He shrugs. "Don't necessarily need those to do the deed, sweetheart."

She laughs, and he can't fault her for that, because he said it like a joke, but he's not entirely kidding. Jensen's been wanting to ditch the condoms for a few months now, but every time he tries to broach the subject, she shrugs it off. He's not sure why. It doesn't seem worth it to push.

"Are we done here?" he asks, offering an out.

Jay hands Jensen the box and tucks the bottle of hair product under her arm, and then she takes his free hand with her own, tugging him to the registers. They walk in silence for a little while, but she must still be musing on what happened earlier, because she half-whispers, "She thought I was her _mother_."

Jensen squeezes Jay's hand, knowing what she's saying, why that means something to her that it wouldn't to most girls. Their eyes meet, and they have a moment to share the weight of what she's feeling before they've bumped into the corner of a register with no line, staffed by a teenager in a bright red uniform who looks even more sick of this place than Jensen is.

They snap out of it, hurry through their transaction, and are back on the road within a couple of minutes.

"Have you seen the tub yet?" she asks. "We'll both fit in there pretty comfortably. Perfect fits, you could say."

Jensen rolls his eyes and shakes his head, listening as Jay shouts from the bathroom. He calls back, "I'm not falling for it."

"Aw, come on," she says, emerging into the bedroom with a pleading expression. "Just one time."

"Not gonna do it," he insists, turning toward her.

He can't help laughing when he gets a glimpse. They've been here less than ten minutes and she's already managed to uncover the fancy bathrobes and slippers. She's swathed head to toe in Ritz-Carlton logos.

It's been a long, long time since the days of Supernatural conventions every other weekend, when he and Jared used to raid mini-fridges and see just how much room service they could order without having to foot the bill themselves. Back then, especially when they started, it felt like getting away with something every time they got to explore a new city and stay in $1,000-a-night rooms for _free_.

Frequent travel being a pretty standard part of creating and promoting movies, the novelty of staying in five-star hotels has long worn off for Jensen. He'd rather be home in his own bed, and this just feels like work to him.

Not so for Jay, apparently.

She's made it across the room to him now and taken both his hands to dance with him, even though he's standing completely still. There's no music, and the situation isn't much helped by the fact that Jay is providing her own vocals.

"If you're blue and you don't know where to go, why don't you go where fashion sits?" She pauses, making puppy eyes and sticking her bottom lip out pitifully. "C'mon, Jensen. Pleeeease?"

He mutters, "Putting on the Ritz."

Jay laughs delightedly and claps her hands on Jensen's cheeks. "That's my monster."

She tries to run off then, but Jensen catches her with an arm around her middle and pulls her back into him. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I _was_ planning to break out the champagne and lounge by the window. You know, we can see the whole Park from here. Can't have a view like that and not appreciate it."

"I've got a view for you to enjoy," he murmurs, tracing his mouth down her neck.

"Really think you can compete?" she says, even as she's shifting into his embrace. "I've seen everything you've got to offer."

Jensen turns her so that she's pressed up against the wall and his hands move down to the tie on her robe. "It's trees," he tells her. "There, ruined the surprise for you."

He doesn't waste a lot of time sliding his hands past the fluffy white robe and grabbing her ass with one hand, letting his finger trace its way to her hole as he starts to push his boxers off with the other.

She's already short of breath when she says, "Jensen, slow down. The condoms are in the other room, don't get me too—"

"Forget them." He kisses his way down to her chest, licks a nipple and then hazards a glance up at her. "Let me feel you."

"What's this thing with the condoms lately?" Jay laughs and brings him back up with a hand under his chin. She kisses him, then says, "You trying to knock me up or something?"

For the first time pretty much ever, Jensen pulls away, putting as much space between them as possible. He turns his face so he can get it under control before she sees it, but he can't keep the sting out of his voice as he says, "Wouldn't that be a neat trick? Me knocking someone up."

He hears her sharp intake of breath and feels her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off instead of facing her.

"Jensen," she says. "Baby. I didn't mean it that way. You know I didn't. I was trying to make fun of myself. I meant because _I_ can't…I didn't think about—"

"Yeah," he agrees, crossing the room as he pulls his boxers back into place and starts tossing the extra pillows off the bed. "You didn't."

"I'm sorry," she says, stepping forward. "Don't shut down on me like that. We've got this beautiful room, a stocked bar, nowhere to be tomorrow. I said something stupid. Don't let it ruin the whole night."

"You wanted to take in the view so go take in the view," Jensen snipes. "I'm going to sleep."

She waits until he's pulled the sheets back on his side and gotten in bed before she sits at the foot of the mattress. "That's it? You're not even going to talk to me? You won't let me apologize? Or…" She smiles, trying to look seductive but mostly just looking sad. "Why don't you let me make it up to you?"

"I'm not really in the mood anymore, Jay," he tells her, turning onto his side and fluffing his pillow. "Could you turn off the light when you leave the room?"

She does go to switch the light off, but she shuts the door and gets into bed next to Jensen instead of leaving him to sulk. For a long time, they're both quiet, Jensen shoved on his side of the bed and Jay sitting up against the headboard on hers, giving him his space.

"You've worked so hard to understand me," she finally says. "I know how much you try, how attentive you are to see me as I am. You're so good to me, Jensen, and so strong for me and…and it's easy for me to forget sometimes that that doesn't mean I shouldn't be putting in the work to see you, too."

Her voice trails off and Jensen hears a sniff behind him. He turns over and watches her wipe at her eyes.

"I'm tired of you acting like it's cute to put yourself down," he says, trying to make the words as gentle as possible. "That's part of it, you know. In your eagerness to make yourself feel like less of a woman, you reminded me I'm—"

"You're not," she insists. Jensen begins to scoff, so she settles down into the bed, placing one arm under her pillow so that her face is level with his. "I won't forgive myself if I made you feel that way."

He looks at her for a long while before he reaches out, tucking a hair back behind her ear. "It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, Jay. I _hate it_ about myself, and it's not ever going to change. I'm never going to be able to have a kid. So I'm not really ready to laugh at it. I will never be able to laugh at it."

"I know that," she says. "It was such a stupid, thoughtless joke and I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?"

Jensen smiles as much as he can and nods, giving her a soft kiss. She lets out a low sigh of relief and wraps herself around him. It's not their usual configuration, but Jensen welcomes the comfort her body provides, and they drift off to sleep before long.

He wakes up the next morning because there’s a tray digging into his back where there’d last been a warm body.

Jensen turns over to see Jay perched on the edge of the bed, eating an egg-soaked slice of toast, her hair up in a sloppy bun, the rest of her a white blur.

“You planning to wear that robe for the next three days?” he asks, rubbing at his eyes as he sits up and, fuck, thank god, notices a cup of coffee set on the corner nearest to him.

She pauses her chewing to give him a very stern look, then swallows before saying, in her best Anita Southern belle accent, “I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, Mr. Ackles, but I don’t disrobe in front of men I’m not married to.”

He snorts and takes a sip of his coffee instead of dignifying that with a response.

“Let’s see,” she says, switching back to her own voice. “So far today I’ve taken a call about your suit for the event tomorrow night, gone for a run, taken a _long_ bath, ordered—and eaten half of—breakfast,” she counts everything off on her fingers, then raises the other hand, “and you have slept.”

“I’m still on the West Coast,” he defends.

Jay smiles at him as he sits up and moves the tray so that it’s balanced over his lap, allowing her room to sit next to him. She crawls up the bed and gives him a quick kiss. “You were right about the Park. It is just trees. Got a selfie with Balto, though.”

“You’ve been to New York how many times now?”

“Tush.” She curls her hand in his shirt and then gives him a light shove. “When did you become such an old man? When did the magic of travel wear off for you?”

Jensen scrunches up his face like he’s trying really hard to remember. “2013? 2014? Somewhere around then.”

“Well, at least _I_ still recall the magic of youth,” she says.

“Give it a few years,” he warns. “Soon you’ll see that there’s nothing more magical in the morning than breakfast in bed served by a beautiful woman.”

“Not sure that’s ever gonna be my jam,” she says, handing him a jam packet and then the butter dish. “But I appreciate you trying to butter me up.”

Jensen takes his slice of toast and the proffered condiments but doesn’t acknowledge the puns. It’s too damn early.

They’re quiet for several minutes as Jensen eats his breakfast. When he finishes, he sets the tray with all his dirty dishes piled on top on the floor by the bed and sits back, closing his eyes. He feels good, and there are a few slants of sunshine warming his face through the window, and he thinks maybe he could go for a little bit more sleep.

But then he feels Jay's hands on his chest and hears the weight of her voice, and he knows he’s not in for the relaxing morning he’d been hoping for.

“Jensen, can we talk?” she says. “About last night.”

He opens one eye, then the other, and sits up enough to make it clear she has his attention. “Yeah, we can talk. But I think we already said most of what matters. I know you didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, and I’m not upset anymore.”

“That’s not it, exactly,” she tells him. She twists the thousand-count sheet between her hands nervously. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Ever since you started bringing up the idea of going off condoms. But I’m scared to.”

“Scared?” he asks. “Baby, you know you shouldn’t be scared to tell me anything. And if you don’t want to stop using them, we don’t have to. I thought it might be nice. I just want to be closer to you. Any way it’s possible.”

“I want that too,” she says, reaching out to put her hand over Jensen’s. “I haven’t been tested, Jensen. Not in a long time. So I don’t know if it’s safe for you. And I’m fucking terrified to find out.”

“What are you talking about, Jay?” he says. “How long can it have been?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “I lost track.”

“You _lost track_?” Jensen pulls his hand back. “How do you lose track? You go to the doctor, they take your blood, you get a phone call, everything’s fine, you go back and do it again in a year.”

“Well, I stopped going,” she replies.

Jensen shakes his head, completely bewildered. “When?”

“After the divorce.” Jay licks her lips and looks down at her hands. “When I was…not doing so great. And sleeping around a lot.”

“You were safe though, right?” Jensen catches her gaze and refuses to let her get away with it when she tries to turn her face. “Jay, look at me. Tell me you were—”

“Sometimes. Usually.” She frowns. “Jensen, I was so fucked up. Half the time I was on something. I don’t even honestly remember.”

“Jesus Christ,” he swears. “Were you _trying_ to get yourself killed?”

Her faces changes instantly, and Jensen wishes he could shove the words back in his mouth. Because it turns out he didn’t want to know, and now he does.

“Baby,” he says, reaching out for her. “Were you?”

“I’m still not really sure whether I was or not,” she replies. “I never had the thought in those terms, you know? I think I would have just done it if I knew I wanted it. But I was so unhappy. I thought I was going to live the rest of my life pretending not to be who I am. Just scratching at myself from the inside, trying to get out. There were days I would have given anything to make it stop. I tried to numb it. I tried to feel good. I didn’t think I could be loved, so I just wanted to pretend. I made some really bad decisions.”

Jensen draws her in and closes his eyes. He tries not to make this about him, but there’s a voice in the back of his head screaming, reminding him that part of what made her so unhappy then was that he didn’t understand her, didn’t offer the support she needed, or the love.

He prided himself on being a good friend. He truly believed he’d been there for Jared through the divorce, but he hadn’t seen any of this. He would never have guessed that his best friend was one clear thought away from suicide.

It’s an overwhelming crush of emotion and he pulls her so close that his arms ache, trying to keep everything she’s saying out, as if he can hold on so tight that the past will undo itself. He doesn’t even think to check if it’s too much until she laughs softly, tugging at his arms to get free.

When she sits back, her expression has changed. She looks at him softly and takes both of his hands in hers. “Don’t—I know you’re blaming yourself, Jensen. It wasn’t you. You were there for me. I wasn’t there for myself. I didn’t let you see enough to help me, but I know you would have done anything you could if I had.”

“I hate that I failed you,” he says, and he leaves it at that. Sometimes, he feels like he let everyone down, but this is the bitterest pill.

“It was a long time ago,” she reminds him. “We both had a lot of growing to do.”

He smiles as much as he can. “Well, not you. You were already a goddamn giant.”

Jay laughs and ducks her head. Jensen watches her for a moment as she gathers her thoughts. Eventually she licks her lips and says, “I don’t feel those things anymore. It’s kind of the opposite. I’m so happy now.”

She squeezes his hands and looks up to meet his eyes. “I feel like I have everything anyone could ever dream of. That’s why I’ve been so weird when you’ve brought up not using condoms. Because I know it’s such an obvious solution, but if I go and get tested, I’ll know. I can’t ignore it like I have been since I got my life back together. I might have ruined everything when I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could have robbed myself of this. I keep imagining going to the doctor and finding out I’m sick and…”

She makes a vague gesture with her hands, like she can’t figure out the right words or even the right movements. There aren’t a lot of things Jay could have gotten from unprotected sex that wouldn’t have shown symptoms by now, but the cloud of the one obvious possibility still hangs heavy, unspoken between them.

“You’ll be fine,” Jensen assures her. Assures them both, if he’s being honest with himself. “Chances are you’ll be fine. And if you’re not, we can…we’ll deal with it. You know that much at least, right? You know I wouldn’t ever leave you over something like this.”

Jay lets go of one of his hands so she can cup his cheek lightly with the other. “Oh, Jen. Can’t stop a mind like mine from doubting things when they’re this good. But most of me knows.”

Jensen pulls her in to press a kiss into the crown of her skull and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, filling his lungs with the scent of her. “That’s enough for now,” he says. “But we’re going to the doctor first thing when we get back.”

As soon as they get home, Jared collapses face-first into the couch. Jensen gets it. It's been a hell of a day, even if all turned out for the best.

Jensen kicks his shoes off by the door, because he's not an _animal_ and pauses to tug Jared's off and toss them back towards the entrance before they touch the sofa.

Jared mumbles, "Sorry" into a cushion as Jensen lifts his legs and takes a seat on the couch, settling Jared's legs over his lap once he's down.

"You're lucky," Jensen tells him. "Damn lucky."

"I know," Jared says, lifting his head a bit.

"We're not pressing that luck again, though," he adds.

Jared flops over onto his back so he can look at Jensen, but he keeps his legs kicked out across the couch. "I think my wanton days are over. I'm a one man guy now."

Jensen smiles at that, because damn Jared, he's just trying to shut down Jensen's lecture, but it's kind of working. "Still."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Jared says. "Believe me, Jen. I've learned my lesson."

He squeezes Jared's calf and lets the conversation rest there, taking a deep breath and letting it out. He hadn't even noticed how tense he was, so caught up in trying to help Jared relax, until he sat here and let it all drop.

They'd gone to the doctor together, just like they did last week to take the tests. Sat in the waiting room together until they were called for their results, knees touching and hands entwined. Jared hadn't been his usual self—flirty and playful and distracting Jensen from worrying. He'd bounced his knee the entire time they were sitting, occasionally bringing his thumb to his mouth and chewing it anxiously until Jensen pulled it down, and then Jared would look at him like he hadn't even realized he was doing it.

Jared got dressed this morning in a loose t shirt and jeans, beanie on, the kind of nondescript male outfit he used to wear to hide himself. Jensen hadn't said anything, but he pays attention now to what Jared's wearing, gets that it says more about him than he'll generally say out loud. He's watched Jared's confidence grow since he came back into his life, seen how that's manifested in bright colors and tighter fits, even when Jared's not having a Jay day, which is also getting to be something of a rarity. Jared likes being Jensen's girl. So drowning himself in fabric, trying to disappear? That doesn't fit pattern. That's how Jared says he's scared, as if his chances of good health improve if he's quiet and stays out of view.

Here's what really got to Jensen: they didn't let him go in with Jared. He'd been called over first, by himself at the doctor's request, and that hadn't bothered him much. He knew what his test was gonna say. He'd mostly done it as a show of solidarity for Jared, who had been a nervous wreck over the whole thing from start to finish. But then they called Jared in, insisted that Jensen stay out in the lobby, even when Jared said it was okay for him to be there.

Jared had walked back out of the office fifteen minutes later with his face pale and his legs shaking, and Jensen's entire world crashed in the time it took Jared to get to him, to whisper that he was okay, that it was relief and a lengthy lecture on safe sex from the doctor that had him looking so rough.

That was hours ago and they're both still off. They'd stopped at a nice restaurant on the way home, ostensibly to celebrate. More to distract themselves. They'd loaded up on craft beer and good food and the jokes had gotten less stilted over the course of the night, the whole scare had started to recede into the past.

But now they're home and alone and not putting on a show for anyone else or each other. Jensen's happy, he's so damn happy, and he knows Jared is, too. This muted energy between them isn't about an absence of joy. But they're drained. And the fun plans Jensen had imagined for this night before they got to the doctor's office, before those twenty seconds when Jensen thought he might have to live in a reality where Jared is sick, seem like way more than he's capable of at this point.

"Should we fuck, I guess?" Jared asks after a long silence, laughing slightly at how unsure his own question is. He lifts his head to meet Jensen's eyes, and Jensen's never seen Jared _not_ in the mood for sex. It would be more amusing in almost any other circumstance, but even now it garners a smile. "That was the whole point of this harrowing endeavor, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen agrees. He looks at Jared for a long moment and then shrugs. "Wanna just watch some TV?"

Jared's entire demeanor changes. His body slumps into the couch like he's finally letting his muscles unclench and a smile breaks through that isn't forced for the first time all day. He says, "I love you."

Instead of saying it back, Jensen hands him the remote.

"Wine!" Jay declares as they stumble in through the door. "More wine!"

"No more wine," Jensen says, laughing as he wraps an arm around her from behind, dragging her back into him and holding her there for a moment. He takes a deep breath, the scent of her perfume mixed with sweat making his head spin. "You've had enough."

"Enough wine," she says, slapping his hands away and turning to face him as she bends over to pull off one stiletto and then the other. When she stands back up, Jensen watches her face, the way she bites her lip. Her cheeks are bright pink from more than just the alcohol and makeup, he knows. She's a very good little actress, though, so instead of saying anything about it, she carries right on with the conversation. "You're talking nonsense again."

By now, they've caused enough of a racket that Sadie has made her way over, slow but steady. She gives Jay's shoes a quick sniff before looking up at Jay with big, accusing eyes.

"I go out once," she says, looking from the dog to Jensen. "After all these years I've cared for her as my own. And look at how she doubts me now. One night with a dogsitter and she acts like I abandoned her."

Jensen snorts as Sadie begins to lick Jay's hand and wag her tail, the grudge apparently already a thing of the past. "Yeah, she looks devastated."

"Gotta let her out one more time," Jay tells him. "We're home a little later than I thought."

"You take care of her," he says, but he catches Jay's wrist as she tries to leave the room and pulls her close to him again. "But no more wine, you hear?"

"Mmm, nothing gets a girl's blood pumping like being bossed around," she quips, trying to shake him off.

Jensen knows that, for all her dismissiveness, he's more than gotten her blood pumping. He lowers his voice and presses his lips to the shell of her ear, "Want you to remember everything I do to you tonight."

"Right," she says, a little breathless. She presses a quick kiss to Jensen's mouth and then replaces her lips with a finger. "Hold that thought for one minute."

He watches her go, Sadie trotting loyally at her heels. Even without the shoes on, her gait is just a little off. Nothing anyone would notice if they didn’t know to look for it. But Jensen does, and Jensen can’t take his eyes off.

When she’s too far out in the yard for him to track her movements anymore, he turns toward the bedroom, drops his jacket on a chair, and starts unbuttoning his shirt, laughing at how dressed up they'd gotten. It feels silly now that he's alone in nice pants and a blazer, but it had made him feel young in some bizarre way.

The whole night had. It was just them, in their own little bubble, living like a normal couple. No one recognized them, or if they did, they didn't stop them. No one gawked. He took his girl dancing—she hasn't gotten any better at that than she was the first time Jensen saw Anita up on stage, and God knows Jensen's no good. But nobody cared that they were a mess, because everyone was wrapped up in their own good time.

All in all, it's the best night Jensen can remember having in ages.

"What are you smiling at like that?"

Jensen turns to see Jay leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest and her hip cocked to the side. Relaxed. She'd been such a bundle of nerves yesterday, and today none of that worry exists anymore.

Fuck, he wants to keep his cool, but he just smiles _more_.

"You look goofy," she adds.

"You make me feel goofy," he admits. He holds his arms out. "Come dance with me."

"Aren't you tuckered out yet, old man?" She walks over, sliding into his embrace despite her teasing and resting her chin on his shoulder. It's a bit awkward at her height, but they make it work. They're getting real damn good at it.

"Shh," he says. "You ruin it if you talk."

She huffs a laugh and sways with him for a few minutes, no sound between them except Jensen humming out…he's not even sure what. Whatever notes pop into his head.

He spins her, pulling her in with her back to his chest and presses his body close, and she shudders against him, a long, heavy breath leaving her. Jensen pushes the hair on her shoulder to the side and plants his lips on her neck.

"How's it feel?" he asks, moving one hand down her body. "You ready for me?"

"Jensen," she whispers, turning her face to try to catch his lips. "Have mercy."

"You made me wait," he reminds her. "All those months. I was patient."

She's shaking as Jensen presses his body even closer, as he reaches up under the fabric of her skirt and begins to trace his fingers slowly up her thigh. Jay gives the same little twitch she has all night when he's gotten this near to her.

At the club, when they were surrounded by people, when every fast dance move sent this same sensation through her, the sounds she made were clipped. Jensen doesn't envy her the self-restraint it took to get through the evening without showing any signs. But now that they're alone she's shameless.

"I've done my penance," she says, as if this whole thing wasn't her idea. "Fuck, Jensen. Please. Take it out."

He brings his hand up and wraps his fingers around the handle of the plug she’s been wearing all night, but instead of granting her the release she’s begging for, Jensen twists and pushes it in more.

“Nothing gets a guy's blood pumping like being bossed around,” he says, echoing her tone from before.

Jay gasps and shoots forward in his arms, like she’s trying to run free, but Jensen catches her. She says, “I hate you” and she almost sounds like she means it.

As fast as he can, Jensen puts the new dance moves he learned tonight to work. He pulls the toy out and tosses it to the side, not caring about where it lands or what happens to it. It’s served its purpose at this point and all Jensen can focus on is Jay, the way she lets him lead, how responsive she is to his touch. He twirls her until she’s facing him, and then he pushes her so that she trips onto the bed behind them, falling hard.

Then she’s looking up at him, huge body taking up the whole mattress. Jay's galaxy eyes get dark and her hair falls around her face as wild as a supernova. Jensen takes in her red cheeks and pretty parted lips, the way her chest is heaving as she breathes too heavily. Her short, purple tango dress is bunched up around her thighs so obscenely, there’s just a glimpse of her hard cock and her raw ass, and he decides this is exactly how this is going to go down. He’s going to pounce on her and fuck her with that dress on, because he can’t imagine waiting long enough to do it any other way.

He drops his pants and boxers on the floor without much ceremony, kicking them away as he crawls forward onto the bed and wraps one arm around her back as he kisses her, positioning himself between her splayed legs.

“Jensen,” she whispers, putting an arm out on his chest to stop him. “Hold on, I wanna—”

“Anything,” he says, grabbing that arm and kissing his way from her wrist to her elbow. “Anything.”

He looks up to meet her eyes and waits for her direction, and she seems nervous for a moment before she reaches out to touch his face.

“Remember what I said the other day? About you knocking me up?”

For a moment, Jensen freezes, too hurt and confused to even answer her. He thinks maybe he misheard her, that it’s his brain bringing that in, not her. She wouldn’t—she knows better. He’s been dreaming of tonight for months, and she wouldn’t ruin it now.

But then he looks at her, really looks at her, and he gets it before she even explains.

“I want that,” she says.

Jensen’s heart might as well have never broken at the rate she patches it up. Jay’s taught him so many things. The way they fuck isn’t like anyone else he’s ever been with. She’s taught him about play, she’s shown him how far it can take a person, having someone else believe for you, even if it’s just for a little while. This wasn’t something that was ever supposed to heal, but now she’s gonna go ahead and fix this, too.

And she’s gentle, she knows how vulnerable moments like this can be. She’s patient. She watches Jensen for a sign, trying to decide if she should pull back or keep going, and apparently she doesn’t find one.

The hand she’d already had on his face moves forward, caressing his cheek. “We don’t have to,” she says, but they do. They really do have to. Jensen needs this.

“I want that too,” he says, pulling back enough to place his hand over the smooth fabric on her belly. “Want to put a baby in you. Fuck, you’d be such a beautiful mother.”

She wraps a leg around him to pull him down on her, and he drops until his dick is rubbing against the back of her thigh, smearing precome. He slips his hand down to press a finger into her and bites his lip when he feels what’s there.

“So wet for me,” he says, dipping in all the way to the knuckle. They’ve never done this before, no prep, no protection, nothing stopping him from sliding right into her. Jensen’s gonna spill as soon as he’s inside her if he’s not careful. “Jay, you’re so damn wet for me already.”

“Yeah,” she says, panting. “Want you so bad, Jensen. Want to feel you. All of you. Want you to fill me up.”

So he does. Just a little spit and the slick already gathering at the tip of his cock and Jensen’s easy for her. She takes him like he’s air in her lungs and this space inside her is so warm and inviting now that his skin is really on hers.

“Fuck me,” she tells him, canting her hips up. “Mark me up inside.”

Jensen thrusts into her and pulls out as much as he can bear to do before pushing back in. She makes the most beautiful sounds when he’s pounding into her. He smells only her—no latex or lube. He never got off on this so hard with any of his other girlfriends, but every one of his senses is responding to the ways this is different without a condom. He’s never felt this much a part of anyone in his life.

“Kiss me,” he says, and she reaches up, grabs his face with two hands and eases her way in. Even the taste is different somehow.

When they break, she licks her bottom lip like she’s chasing the sensation of him there, and Jensen’s eyes move over her face, greedy for her. He wants to hold her better than this, he wants this to be more than just another time he fucks her and falls down on top of her spent. 

So he thinks of all those positions he studied, back when he was trying so desperately to make a new life where there wasn’t ever supposed to be one. He knows he can make one here. He knows something beautiful can grow in Jay's womb, something only they can create, something they can share that no one else would understand.

He pulls out of her and turns her onto her side, pressing his body up against her back as he finds her hole again and pushes in. Like with dancing, she lets him set the pace, choose the moves, but unlike dancing, here they don’t miss a beat. Jensen laughs, as amused as he is turned on that they found the one place they can pass for graceful.

“This good?” she asks, turning her head toward her shoulder so she can see him.

Jensen kisses her as much as he can at this angle, says “yes” and then he places a hand on her stomach, pushing her dress up higher so that he can rest his palm over her flat belly.

“Easy to make a baby like this,” he whispers against the shell of her ear before kissing the soft skin just behind it. “Can’t wait until you’re swelling for me.”

He keeps fucking into her but he pulls his top half away, lifting her arm so that he can slip his head under it. Then he tugs the fabric of her dress to the side, exposing her breast. Jensen ducks down to lick her nipple.

“Gonna get so big here, too, Jay,” he tells her. She grunts and shifts so that her tit is easier for him to reach and he decides to go all the way with this. “I’m gonna drink from you, babe,” he says. “I’m gonna love it when you’re so full of milk.”

Jensen begins to make good on that promise, sucking at her nipple like a hungry child, and she cries out, her hands coming up to press him closer to her, encouraging him as he nurses.

“Do it,” she begs him. “Fuck, Jensen. Let me have it.”

“Close,” he promises. “I’m so close. How do you want to come?”

She releases him and moves her own hand down to wrap around her cock. It would be easy for Jensen to help her out, spooned around her like this, touching her everywhere. But he knows better. He watches instead. He listens. He presses his cock so deep into her cunt, angles his hips just right, so he can be sure it’s him she’s feeling when she gets there.

Jay strokes herself two, three, four times and then it’s done. She shoots into her hand, and cries out his name, and then she’s putty in his arms. That much easier to surround as Jensen feels his own climax building. He finishes with tight, sharp thrusts, his dick staying buried in her completely, so that when he starts to come, he knows she’ll get it all. He waits through every last involuntary push of his hips, and then he waits a little longer. Just lays there, buried to the hilt, holding her as she catches her breath.

He’s been inside her before so many times, in so many positions and it’s not always her, either. Sometimes it’s Jared, and that’s a whole different animal, too. But he’s never been here. Never felt the way her body changes when his skin is breaching hers. Tonight something new _was_ born between them. Jensen planted his seed and he can’t wait to see what blossoms inside this perfect little garden she’s given him.

“Hey,” she says after a long time, and Jensen hides his face against her shoulder blade, embarrassed to have gotten so lost in her. He can’t imagine it feels as nice for her as it does for him, so he pulls out and turns onto his back.

She moves with him, resting her head on her elbow as she traces his chest with a finger. Then she smiles, dimples for days, and Jensen wonders how he ever didn’t know he was in love.

“I’m glad we did this,” she tells him.

He nods, finds his voice, and offers a “me too.” It doesn’t seem like nearly enough, but it’ll have to do.

“I’m sorry I put it off so long.” She bites her lip, and Jensen can hear everything she isn’t saying. The fear that had kept her from it. The leap she took just to make this possible. Because he asked. And his chest aches remembering that just yesterday, he didn’t know if he would ever have this.

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”

“I am,” she replies, resting her head on his chest. “And nothing is ever gonna take me from you.”

Jensen squeezes her shoulder, trying to keep his voice level enough to force words out. “You sound like a Winchester now.”

Apparently, old habits die hard. A joke Jensen hasn’t heard in years bubbles from her lips like a reflex. “Well, I’m obviously not a _lose_ chester.”


End file.
